Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize