Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
