Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
