Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
