I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize