Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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