next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
