You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We are all done wearing pants today
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
