i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
