If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
