Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize