so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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