Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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