i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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