Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
