Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
two words: eviction party
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
