we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
