I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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