Dude my mom stole all your condoms
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
