sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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