Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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