On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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