so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
