Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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