I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
