She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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