Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
should my penis look like a turkey
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
