I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
