yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
