I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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