So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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