I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
