Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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