Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize