she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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