I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
