someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
