In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
