Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
