I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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