so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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