i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
