the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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