hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize