my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
