Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
