these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
