he thought i was a dude.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
