I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
