my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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