Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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