no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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