One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
