I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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