sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We have started to decorate penises.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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