I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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