I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
