dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
