so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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