her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
