If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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