i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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