yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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