I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
