My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
