you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
