...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
