i permit you to call me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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