dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Swine flu is the new snow day.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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