they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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