And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
