'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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